Domestic Abuse Help

Domestic abuse may manifest itself in a number of ways, including (but not limited to):

• Emotional abuse, such as threatening to harm the other party or their loved ones, constant criticism and humiliation, jealousy and isolation, and threats to damage personal possessions
• Psychological abuse, such as stalking, gas lighting and bullying
• Coercive control, which is a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence
• Financial abuse, such as controlling money or choosing to spend money on themselves rather than the family
• Online or digital abuse, including monitoring social media profiles or emails, using GPS locators or spyware to know where the other person is at all times, abuse over social media and sharing intimate photos or videos without your consent
• Sexual abuse, including forcing the other party to have sex, or withholding it, and controlling or refusing contraception
• Physical abuse, such as hitting, pushing, strangling, burning or using weapons

Very often, people in controlling or coercive relationships do not realise they are in them. This is one of the ways that perpetrators control the situation and are usually very good at it. Some of the signs of recognising that you are in an abusive relationship include arguing frequently, feeling undermined or disrespected, feeling as though you cannot express your feelings, feeling as if you are walking on eggshells, feeling isolated and alone, and feeling frightened.

The greatest risk of domestic violence is at separation. We often see that when someone takes the decision to separate from their partner and leave a controlling relationship, the animosity increases, and the risk of violence could increase. It is therefore important that you speak to professionals who have experience dealing with incidence of violence and abuse, who can understand the signs from an early stage, and help you take steps to protect yourself.

Tips for protecting yourself and your family:

• If an argument between you and your ex-partner starts to build; breathe and count to 10. Try your best not to retaliate as that could inflame the situation. Instead; walk away and go into another room in the house. If you are able to do so, leave and go for a walk – this will allow time for the situation at home to diffuse.
• Have a think about the people you could contact; whether friends or family who might be able to get help for you if you are unable to do so yourself. Make sure you are readily able to make contact with them by keeping your phone to hand and charged up!
• Ask friends or family nearby if you can stay with them during periods of isolation (provided this is safe to do so).
• If the situation at home has escalated and you are at serious risk of violence or harm, or a child is at risk, call 999 and ask to speak to police.

There are injunctions which you can take out through the family courts in order to protect yourself and minor children. These are:

1. 1. Non-molestation order – The court can grant an order prohibiting your ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you or instructing a third party to do so. A non-molestation order carries with it an automatic power of arrest and therefore if your ex-partner was to breach a non-molestation order, there would be the power for the police to arrest them.
   2. Occupation order – An occupation order can oust a party from the family home. When considering making an occupation order, the court will take into account the threat of the violence or abuse which you are suffering and will balance the harm that could be caused to you in allowing your ex-partner to continue living in the property against the harm that they are likely to suffer by being ousted from their own property.

The family team at Herrington Carmichael are experienced in dealing with family law injunctions should you require advice and assistance. Where appropriate, we can also point you in the direction of legal aid or local charities who support the victims of domestic abuse. We have included contact details of local organisations below.